I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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