Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
