id be glad to
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
