I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
