just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
