she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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