We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
