no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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