He is such a slut. More and more my type.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
