im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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