last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No...this little piggys going to the bar
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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