I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
