sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
