I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
