The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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