You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
