I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
