Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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