I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
