You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
