I have demons in me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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