I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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