The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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