I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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