I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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