I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
