Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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