Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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