garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
