I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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