i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
