I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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