I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
