I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize