I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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