I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
