it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
