you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
