Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
