the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
