FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
