sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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