i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
