WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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