I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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