I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
