Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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