I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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