I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
