Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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