At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You can't special order awesome
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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