Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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