I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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