If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
