DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
