I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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