Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
