drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
