The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
NoShamevember. You game?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
