I want you more than these girls want KFC
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
