I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
