Don't make out with my wife yet
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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