I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
