so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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