I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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