it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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