Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
