I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
