Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
