she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
