It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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