I'm sorry my penis didn't work
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
