I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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