He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
