i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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